Appendix 1

Johnny was walking through the woods on a lovely day. Suddenly a tiger sprang out of the underbrush and leaped at his throat.

It was at this point that Johnny composed his great essay on the folly of fighting tigers. Continuous warfare between men and tigers, he pointed out, serves no constructive purpose whatever, and only can lead, in time, to the destruction of one side or the other.

His essay emphasized the seamy aspect of this warfare. Leaving to others admiration for the big-game guns and the colorful hunting costumes, he dwelt on the blood, the muck, the fatigue, the tedium and the absence of modern conveniences in the jungle. With bitter satire he ridiculed the belligerent instincts of men and tigers, and the war hysteria whipped up by anti-tiger propaganda. His essay was, however, balanced and impartial, sometimes condemning the aggressive tendencies of tigers as well as those of men.

But if we are ever to hope for everlasting peace, Johnny went on, men must stop sowing suspicion of tigers. Many of the things said and written about tigers, he pointed out, are actually contrary to fact. He cited many amusing examples of prejudice and misinformation. He proposed a four-point solution:

Point One. A conference, alone in the woods, between the head man and the head tiger.

Point Two. A disarmament treaty to outlaw the newer weapons. Under this treaty either side could continue to use, for example, its bare claws or bare teeth. But firearms by either side would be prohibited. These weapons were too destructive, and gave an undue advantage to the side vicious enough to resort to them.

Point Three. Formation of a United Animals Association -- excluding only Spanish animals -- in which all future differences could be ironed out before they arose.

Point Four. A loan of 50,000,000,000 pounds of mixed vegetables a year from the men to the tigers. If the tigers' economic conditions could be improved, Johnny was convinced, they would change their carnivorous ideology and cease attacking live men.

The tiger was now upon him. But Johnny disdained to retaliate under any trumped-up excuse of "self-defense." He urged, instead, a new peace conference, and pointed out to the tiger that this was exactly the sort of judicable problem suitable for submission to the Assembly of the proposed United Animals Association.

Unfortunately, Johnny was not given time to put these thoughts into permanent form. He had barely completed the essay in his mind when the tiger's fangs closed on his throat.

That is why the senseless warfare between men and tigers continues.

Notes

1. This was first published as a signed editorial of mine in The Saturday Evening Post of June 10, 1950. It is reprinted by special permission.

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